just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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