i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
