Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
