I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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