If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
