Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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