I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
