____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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