I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
