and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
