I accidentally had phone sex last night
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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