My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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