You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
