Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
