I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
