You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
