apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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