i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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