she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
