i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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