he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Randomize
