my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
