You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
