My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
