I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
