i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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