It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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