if i can run in heels then i can drive
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
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