Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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