I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
