I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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