My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
