I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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