did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I still have a little drunk in my system
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
