i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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