I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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