sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
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