Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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