i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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