How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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