I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
