i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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