I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
