Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
