I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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