david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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