His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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