Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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