No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
