You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You've changed since you got that strap on
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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