I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I want you more than these girls want KFC
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
