he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
