you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
