He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
