I just made out with a guy for $7.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
