I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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