I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
