I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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