Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
