i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
