Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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