and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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