we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
