Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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