True but thats because hes a fetus.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
