i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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