u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
