Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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