my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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