forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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