I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
