I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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