I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
