i barfeds in our rink
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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